By Miya

Three years. It’s been three years since I first learned that I was not the only one who has been affected by the disgusting actions of Kent Peters.

I still remember the day and where I was. It was March 25, 2021. The phone call with the news that Kent Peters was being investigated for sexual abuse and grooming rocked my world, hard.

Although time has passed, I still remember the raw emotions I felt. I can still feel it in my body, in my heart, and in my mind. Everything was such a blur and I was in survival mode for so long.

Recently I came across an album of photos and videos that I took back then. Real and raw footage to document my journey. I look back on those and still feel so sad. I want to wrap that girl up in a big hug and tell her everything will be okay. It will be so hard and she will have to fight like hell to get through. But she will get through it.

When I look at those photos and videos, I see someone who is so broken. I see someone who was drowning and trying to survive each day. I see someone who was so scared and felt so alone. I see the me I never want to be again.

The trauma of this experience with Kent Peters, Camp Mennoscah, Mennonite Mission Network, FaithTrust Institute, and my own church still sits heavy on my mind most days. For so long I tried to push this out of my mind. I tried to avoid the emotions of it all. I reflect on that time in my life and nearly everyone that I had trusted to help me with the Kent Peters situation, betrayed me in some form, from my mentors at Mennonite Mission Network to my therapist.

All I wanted was some help and guidance. When I reflect on the relationship I had with my former therapist, I think about the valuable information that she holds. I reached out about receiving my medical records in the event that several years pass before I go back to therapy and my records are destroyed. But I was not allowed to have a copy of my own records. I have kept a copy of every single email, publication, and document relating to this Kent Peters situation. I have them all locked in a box where I hope that one day I will be able to look at them without feeling devastation. Being denied my own mental health records hurt a piece of me. It felt like I was being denied the right to my own story all over again. Only this time it wasn’t from Mennonite Mission Network, it was from my former therapist.

But with or without my records, I know that I am in control of my story and how it continues from here.

Three years has given me a lot of time to reflect on the craziness of this situation. There are some things I wish I would’ve handled a little differently. I know that sharing my story has made some people very mad at me, they have been very clear about it. I shared my story to bring awareness of an on-going problem in the Mennonite community. I did not share my story to ruin anyone’s reputation. I did not share my story to ruin Kent Peters’ reputation; he did that all on his own. The truth needed to be set free. Alyssa and I have set our truth free. How others react is on them, not us.

I’ve been asked a couple times if I ever wish that it didn’t happen. I was so angry for so long for how the recklessness of Kent Peters spiraled out of control and affected other areas of my life. Church, personal relationships, my work life, but worst of all, my fear of never feeling truly safe again. I felt even more angry that he affected those areas of my life. He ruined those safe spaces for me and that was a hard pill to swallow for a long time.

A part of me wishes that I had never met Kent Peters. After I read Alyssa’s story, I thought this even more. I was filled with anger and devastation for quite some time. What seemed like nothing to him is everything to every girl and woman he targeted. The recklessness of his actions will stick with every single one of us for the rest of our lives. It will continue to impact us in ways that we don’t even know. What Kent Peters has done is not small. It is sick and has changed our lives forever.

I will never be happy that this mess happened. But it has helped me see the things that the church and society continue to cover up. I will continue to speak up on sexual violence, especially within the church. Other survivors, our allies, and I will continue to hold Kent Peters accountable. We will hold Mennonite Mission Network, Camp Mennoscah, FaithTrust Institute, and others who have enabled the actions of Kent Peters accountable as well.

There are some days that I wish that I had the confidence then that I do now. I used to sit back and hold my thoughts in. I was scared to speak up and advocate for myself. Now I am not. I am not afraid to question people, policies, procedures, etc. I am not afraid to speak my mind. I always think of how what I say might affect others but I do not tiptoe around the truth anymore. I felt so timid and quiet back then. I feel fearless now and not afraid to push back against others if someone is in harm’s way. Kent Peters harmed too many that I care about for me to sit back and be quiet anymore.

Throughout the last year I have worked on finding forgiveness for those who hurt me on this journey. I truly thought that I would never get there. I have found forgiveness for some of those involved. They do not know it, as I have not vocalized it to them, and I will not name them. While I did consider vocalizing it at one point, I have decided that I will always keep it to myself. Learning how to forgive these individuals wasn’t for their benefit, it was for mine. It has helped me find more peace and healing. While I have learned how to forgive some of them, I want them to know that I will always hold them accountable to their actions. I will always remember how small they made me feel at this time in my life.

There is a peace that has settled into my life now, three years later. Finding forgiveness has helped with a lot of that peace. Knowing that I have others who will continue to advocate on my behalf and the other survivors’ behalf also brings me much peace. The dark clouds no longer loom over my life. The sun shines a little brighter each day and I have learned how to laugh again. I have learned how to let new people in without fearing that everyone will betray me. I have learned how to be a strong advocate for myself and others. I have learned that I can heal even from the darkest of things. I survived. I have the best support system surrounding me. Thank you to those who have shown me support, my heart is so full of love for you.

Kent Peters is still out there. He continues to be a danger to society. We have to continue to hold him and every predator in the church accountable. As young children we all yearned for a safe environment to grow up in. As adults, we have the capability to create that for the children around us that we love. It all starts with you and me having the courage to speak up.