I’ve been debating whether or not to post this for the past 24+ hours. To say that it is embarrassing is an understatement. I showed my closest friend the video below, asking their honest opinion on whether or not I should launch a vlogging (video blog) series for Our Stories Untold, and proceeded to hide underneath a blanket for the entirety of the viewing.
Writing is great. I’m good at it, and when it’s intuitively flowing, oh baby, it’s flowing. The words just come out of my fingertips. Then, with a click of a button, the piece is posted. No one sees my face. No one sees my tears. No one sees my internal struggle. There’s something so much less personal–and therefore easy–about it.
Speaking in public is even great. I get nervous, but I think I’m decent at it. And when it’s intuitively flowing, oh baby, it’s flowing! It can be very powerful. But the great thing about speaking in front of an audience is that you have that personal eye-to-eye contact. Even when you stink, people can see you, feel your energy, and come up afterwards to give you a nice hug or a smile or at least an awkward pat on the back.
Talking to my iPhone, without a script, as if I’m talking to… well… you?!? Not only is it incredibly awkward, but it’s also deeply personal. And then posting it for the world to see is, well, incredibly vulnerable! Which is why I’ve been in turmoil over whether or not I should start this vlogging series. Will it helpful for others, or just humiliating for myself? Will it inspire healing, or just create anxiety for myself? Will it inspire change, or just cause me unnecessary stress?
I’ve decided that I have to at least give it the 5 day run my blog partners and I originally intended, even if it is starting on Tuesday instead of Monday, like I wanted. So, here it goes. Stepping out into new territory. Who knows where this will go. If it is helpful, perhaps my OSU partners Barbra and Hilary will take the vlogging plunge and we can offer new content addressing issues of sexual abuse, religion, and healing. But for now, here’s me, just trying to get real with you.
This is what one aspect of vulnerability is all about! Doing things we internally really don’t want to. I remember having an extreme case of anxiety before launching Our Stories Untold, and now it just feels like a comfortable project that I have on the side. The only way we grow is to push ourselves into new territory. My new territory is trying this out. What is yours?
Expect more videos throughout this week. I’m going the route of speaking about whatever I’m inspired to speak about in the moment. I’m not planning on using scripts, and I’m not planning on planning–period. Let me know your thoughts and feel free to suggest topics or ask specific questions that you want me to respond to. I think this could be fun if there’s a group of people who really enjoy it and find it helpful.
Oh, and the whole purpose of this is to spread love and courage. I am all for people disagreeing with me on anything I talk about, but any comments that are rude, mean, or inspire hate, will be removed from all OSU content. We’re here to inspire love and change, not to promote hate that can set people back in their healing processes. That’s just who we are and how we roll. Thank you for understanding.