Marty Troyer, The Peace Pastor, asked if I would write a blog entry about self-differentiation in the Mennonite Church, specifically in relation to the work I do with Our Stories Untold. Though I had never thought about my work in terms of self-differentiation, I realized that that is exactly what allows me to do this work. The following is the post I wrote for his blog. I recommend checking it out on his site, too, as there is a lot of great discussion going on in the comment section. I would love to hear your thoughts, too.

I really have an issue with labels. Sure, I use them. My Twitter bio has labels up the wazoo: “Tweeting & Social Media Power of @WomenUndrSiege, Traveling Freelance Writer goo.gl/e4XvQ , Sexual Abuse Blogger, Spiritual Seeker, Feminist.” In five short statements, making a total of less than 140 characters, I’ve seemingly given Twitterverse the labels they need to “know me.”

But why do we need these labels? And, particularly, why do I have such a gut-wrenching reaction to the “Christian” label? This is something I’ve been working out since I was 18 and deliberately stepped away from the church, while still being engaged in a Mennonite community. Now, at 25, I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I’m young, and though the spiritual growth I’ve experienced has gone beyond my own expectations, I keep faith that I’ll continue peeling the layers away, furthering my spiritual quest. But, regardless of age, I know that today I have a better idea of who God (or the Divine as I prefer to label it) is, how the Divine works in my life, and how I owe my new-found relationship with the Higher Power—and in return, Christianity—to self-differentiation.

Creating my blog “Our Stories Untold” was a strange move. Constantly attempting to run from the Mennonite Church and Christianity as a whole, I continue consciously making decisions that put me right in the middle of it all: I transferred to a Mennonite High School, I went to a Mennonite college, I lived in Indonesia through a Mennonite organization, I created a blog addressing the controversial subject of sexualized violence… in the Mennonite church, and I voluntarily attend a Mennonite church at least twice a month. Yet, the distance I put between myself and the word “Christian” could be filled with mountains, and probably some rivers and cute beavers, too. And, when asked if I’m Mennonite, my answer is, “Yes, technically and ethnically, but I’m not a very good one.”

I’ve realized that why I don’t think I’m a very “good” Mennonite is because of self-differentiation. Amazingly, through the power of the Divine within myself, I have been able to find a faith and path through life that is so true and necessary. This faith has allowed me to claim and embrace my personal social beliefs, feelings, emotions, experiences, and story unabashedly—even a story about sexual abuse, sexuality, gender, and most importantlylove in the truest sense of the word (topics that unfortunately most Christians would disapprove of in both casual and pulpit conversation).

I’m not running away, and I’m also not fighting. I’m proclaiming, “Here I am community! Take me or leave me, but I’m not going to stop channeling the Divine energy I have within me; the Divine energy that is intuitively moving me forward and aiding me in my walk through life. You’re free to disagree, but I’m here to stay and say something that my higher self is obligating me to say, even if you might not want to hear it.”

Through self-differentiation I have learned that a Higher Power—a Universal surging power—is at work at all times. That power is Divine, and I am Divine, just as much as you are Divine, and everything on this planet is Divine. We all have a God spark inside us, which means that we are the Creator and Destroyer of our own realities. Our actions do not go unnoticed, and everything we do creates a ripple effect. When we choose not to love based on a person’s sexual orientation, we are creating a ripple of hate throughout our world. When we choose not to be vulnerable with our own personal stories, we are shutting out the world and building walls around us.

I have the power to decide how to experience life, as much as you have the power to decide that, too. We can either experience our lives with love and joy, with awe and passion, or we can choose to become victims within our own misery, to experience pain without acknowledging the lessons learned from it. We have been given these lifetimes to grow and learn, to expand beyond the black and white walls that have boxed us in, to move beyond the labels, to grow past the condemnation and judgment that swirls in our fearful communities. We have the Divine power to create our realities.

I make mistakes. We all make mistakes. I’ve been misguided in the past, and I’ve ignored my intuitive voice on more than one occasion. But when we’re rooted in our Divine selves and listen to the conversation between our hearts and God, we do know what is right or wrong for ourselves. And what is right will be right for humanity as a whole, and what is wrong will aid in violence, hate, and hurt—both towards ourselves and others.

We each have our own calling and our own way of living. My calling is towards issues of sexual abuse—finding love and healing regardless of our life stories, faith orientation, and unfair labels. My calling is to speak up when no one else will; to tell the truth even when it hurts, even when it separates me from the broader community.

That’s my calling. Yours may involve a different form of self-differentiation from the broader church.  Regardless, it’s when we attempt to put labels on everyone, stick everyone into the same tiny box, that we experience disaccord and unacceptance within our communities. As C.G. Jung said, “The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” If Christians could begin understanding this, then I truly believe we have overcome our differences and no one has to feel that they aren’t a very good Mennonite. Because there won’t be labels such as “good” or “bad”—just exploration within a loving community full of Divine light.