Thank you for a year of love and support.

It’s been one year today since the launch of Our Stories Untold. When I chose to pursue this Website I didn’t know what to expect. Deep inside I understood this was something I had to do, for both my personal healing and for others who I knew were out there.

I’ve never felt so powerfully “called” as I did (and still do) towards this project, and while reflecting on that strong pull towards this work a year later I recognize the roots are growing deeper. Now is the time to develop Our Stories Untold further, and I need your help and support to do it.

The Future of Our Stories Untold

My desires to progress Our Stories Untold’s mission of advocacy, awareness, and healing needs monetary support, in addition to contacts and opportunities to speak about sexualized violence in the church.

Later this summer and fall I plan to embark on a speaking tour, starting at Mennonite Churches and branching out to other settings, discussing this topic and what we can do in our communities to bring about awareness and change.

I hope to also meet with women (and men) who have experienced abuse and create physical spaces to tell our stories in a community of collective worship, helping those who have experienced abuse to see that the light is for them and—regardless of what Christianity likes to claim—that there are no rules to follow that light.

Through a speaking tour I’ll be able to raise funds to work at creating a non-profit or business enterprise out of Our Stories Untold. But I need the initial funds to start the speaking tour. Therefore, if you feel led to donate to the project, please do so by clicking the “donate” button in the upper right hand corner of this blog.

Even better, please tell your friends and family about Our Stories Untold. Are you interested in having me speak at your church? Do you know of a school or youth group that would benefit from hearing about these topics? Are you interested in helping Our Stories Untold become an established “business”? Whatever expertise or support you have to offer, I would appreciate hearing from you.

A Reflection on the Past Year

see
that no matter what you have done
i am still here.
and it has made me dangerous, and wise.
and brother,
you cannot whore, perfume, and suppress me anymore.
i have my own business in this skin
and on this planet.
~Gail Murray”Gather the Vikings and Save the World ” by Cherie HarringtonImage and Poem via “The Girl God”

It’s my own personal life path to say what needs to be said, and within that knowledge there is great excitement, but even greater fear. I’ve put off raising funds for a speaking tour because of that fear, even though I’ve known for months that is the direction to take.

Reflecting on a blog entry I wrote 2 days before the launch 1 year ago, I recognized this fear as a fault to overcome: “This is a time when we have to shed our fear and give hope to each other. […]Because until we start talking about this we’re not going to have the hope and ability to bring on change,” I wrote.

Launching this blog was hard, but through the past year I’ve received encouragement, support, and stories beyond comprehension. And I’ve found both that hope and the ability to bring about change, both in others and myself. I’ve grown in ways I didn’t foresee possible: My own personal story of childhood abuse finally become something I felt comfortable sharing; over 30 people have shared their stories of abuse with me, with a few appearing on the site; some of the most meaningful conversations of my life with friends and family have come from the articles, blog entries, and stories shared through this platform; and I’ve made numerous new friends and important relationships through breaking the bonds of shame and stigma that abuse left behind.

Overcoming fear is a necessary, if not vital component to changing the way the church discusses and deals with sexualized violence.

The Universe has blessed me with you—people who have opened up and have helped me open up to you. This site has transformed into a community rather than just an online blog. My “healing moments” the past year have been countless, and I would like to share a few with you today:

1. An old friend who I haven’t seen in years messaged me on Facebook. She discovered my site through Facebook and said when she stumbled upon it she recalled a story I had told her at a slumber party in 5^th grade. Later, when she read that same story on the site, she felt compelled to message me and apologize for her 11-year-old reaction.She wrote, “I thought you were making it up. I had never heard anything like that happening in real life… only in the movies. I could have never believed that would happen to someone I knew. Especially someone like you, coming from such a sweet and loving family.”The moment I read her message it was like puzzle pieces of my childhood fit into place: why I suffered from depression starting in 5^th grade; why I self-mutilated when I was only 12-years-old; why I had a constant nagging feeling that no one believed what I said in general—that I was somehow a “liar.” It was so healing—not to mention beautiful and miraculous—to receive an “apology” (something I definitely didn’t and still don’t deem as necessary) for a monumental moment that took place years ago.
2. A previously Mennonite friend from my days at Iowa Mennonite School wrote me a message, telling me that the items I post on Our Stories Untold Facebook page were both encouraging and upsetting as she too suffered from extreme abuse from her step-father as a child.Connecting on the phone a few days later, she recounted the ways the Mennonite church, Iowa community, and her own family both doubted and denied that her devastating abuse ever happened. Her story—one I will be writing about later this month—is full of shame and sadness, anger towards religion and the church, but also healing and hope. I was honored to hear her story and have faith that sharing it will bring healing to others.
3. A high school friend told me she had never thought about these topics before, especially the concept of rape culture and how both society and religion perpetuate rape and purity myths, until she started following OSU. Explaining how much her thinking has been transformed, she recounted deep personal stories of ways her eyes have been opened to abuses that happened during high school, including situations involving myself.

These are only three ways in which my mind has been blown with the openness and vulnerability shared via this site. Almost daily I receive messages or emails that provoke tears, while providing a necessary push to keep plunging myself forward through these murky waters.

Why We Must Continue the Discussion

I keep thinking that it’s not necessary for me to explain to anyone why Our Stories Untold is needed, yet then I’m reminded once again that there’s still so much work to be done.

Yesterday Barbra Graber shared publicly on Facebook her disappointment with the way The Mennonite handled a book review on John Howard Yoder, a man who knowingly committed abuses against multiple women in the church. Graber wrote,

Pretty sickening that [The Mennonite] can encourage us to rush out and buy a “remarkably relevant” book about John Howard Yoder’s admonishments to follow Jesus “in every aspect of our lives” and not even mention the irony of John’s chronic sexually abusive and violent behavior towards women all over the world for many years, while the church conducted its well-organized cover-up. … Just more water in the face for those women who endured his assaults and have yet to receive any kind of official apology or recompense from the church. Just more accolades for their perpetrator. Just more “crying peace, peace when there is no peace.” The pacifist theology of the Mennonite Church is nothing but a sham until the men of the church become willing to apply an equal amount of passion for peace to their relationship with their Sisters in Christ and work to stop violence against women and children in their own homes and congregations. They could start by including the ethical ironies of John Howard Yoder’s life in their study of his work.

She later elaborated here the ways the church can address John Howard Yoder’s work in a way that doesn’t dismiss the fact that he was a known perpetrator. Shockingly though, there are still those who doubt that this can even happen. On one Facebook comment of this post, a person challenged it stating, “…everything seems really one-sided, I know Yoder was someone in standing but did anyone charge these women up to see if everything was Kosher on their end?”

Why are we still questioning this? Why are we continuing to doubt women’s words? Why are we still allowing the church to cover up these atrocities? Why are we still acting the way we did 15, 20, and 60 years ago? Yes, we’ve made progress. Yes, Our Stories Untold has done amazing and restorative things in its one year of existence. But no, our work here is not done, and this is only one small illustration of that fact.

Together we’re going to continue standing in the face of fear. We’re going to confront the perpetrators. We’re going to address the engrained rape culture in our churches. We’re going to call out complacent standbyers. And we’re not going to be silenced, but instead speak out for a more hopeful future.