This post is in reflection of a June 19, 2012, NPR “Talk of the Nation” segment titled, “Many Who Are Sexually Abused Keep Quiet.” Please click the NPR logo to the right to listen to the full piece and to read the official transcript.

When I was preparing to launch this website I had numerous conversations with my loving and supportive mother about the wording I chose to publish. One of these pre-launch conversations focused on my “discovery” of being molested as a child and how I wanted to talk about it. I originally wrote something along the lines of, “I discovered I was molested as child.” After editing, the final post ended up saying, “I myself recently acknowledged that I was molested as a child.”

The reason I chose this alternative wording was based on the fact that some people would question how I could possibly “discover” this pretty important fact at age 22. Shouldn’t I have known this my entire life?

The sad reality about childhood molestation though is that many children unknowingly carry their secrets. Yesterday’s Talk of the Nation segment included interviews with Sarah Pleydell, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and clinical psychologist David Lisak, who both talk about the challenges of carrying those secrets.

Pleydell states in the interview that she never talked about her abuse until her late 20s when she finally addressed the issue with her sister who was also abused by their father. She explained, “I was flooded with the kind of graphic dissociative images that survivors, you know, are flooded with. And I began to share them with her.”

She continued, “But up until that point, you know, none of it had really made any sense to me. I think that people don’t speak up because of the way that sexual abuse impacts the body and the mind and the heart.”

Lisak also relates to this experience of “not remembering.” He says in the interview, “I either completely repressed the memories for about 25 to 27 years, and then over the course of several years began to come to terms with it…”

Additionally, Pleydell tells how her mind “just scrambled up the images.” To me, this makes perfect sense. To a person who has never suffered abuse, this may be confusing.

It’s not that I didn’t know the abuse happened. In fact I told a group of girls the incomplete story at a slumber party during middle school. Sadly, and understandably, I did not receive the reaction I would have hoped for, and therefore this experience of sharing and shaming led to further silence and denial of the situation.

Through four years of women studies courses in college I never acknowledged the abuse. Other than one fleetingly brief moment my senior year, when having a discussion with some close girl-friends about their own history and knowledge of abuse, I never even thought about it. I’ve later learned that this is a brain’s way of handling the abuse. It won’t let you acknowledge the abuse until you’re prepared to acknowledge it. And for quite a lengthy time I ran.

If you’re wondering more about how a person can deny their abuse, I highly recommend listening to this Talk of the Nation segment in it’s entirety. I also recommend you listening to the stories around you. If someone starts opening up about a story that seems a bit odd, don’t push them, but also don’t shy away from it. Give space for the story to be aired, even if it’s incomplete. It’s in those moments of brief realization that a person can start accepting and healing.

I think there are at least 100 ways to address the question, “What is Behind the Silence of Sexual Abuse?” This is just one of the many contributing factors. If you would like to address this question in form of a blog post, I would love to publish your thoughts. Please feel free to use the contact form to discuss further ideas on silencing.